The Church and Divorced People

If there is one subject that interests many Catholics, it is how divorced and remarried Catholics can take part in the life of the Church. Today I think it is important to recall in my column what Pope Benedict XVI said about this, very clearly and directly, at the recent World Meeting of Families in Milan, something very few media outlets reported.

At the festival of testimonies, attended by Catholic families from all over the world, a Brazilian couple asked the Pope a question. They explained that, as in the rest of the world, marriage breakdowns are increasing in Brazil. Married for 34 years and already grandparents, they work as family therapists and have met many families in difficulty; one of the greatest conflicts couples face today, they said, is how hard it is to forgive and to accept forgiveness. In many cases they see a desire to build a new, lasting union for the children born of it, and some of these remarried couples would like to come back to the Church, but when they see that the sacraments are denied to them they are deeply disappointed; they feel excluded, marked by a judgment with no appeal. These are wounds, they said, that become wounds for all of us. Knowing that these people are a great concern for the Church, they asked what words and signs of hope they could offer them.

The Holy Father, Benedict XVI, began by thanking them for their much-needed work as family therapists and for all they do to help people who suffer. He acknowledged that the situation of the divorced and remarried is one of the great sorrows of the Church today, and that there are no simple recipes. The suffering is great, he said, and we can only encourage parishes, and each person individually, to help these people bear the pain of their divorce.

He said that prevention would of course be very important: deepening the relationship from the beginning of falling in love until reaching a profound, mature decision, and also accompanying couples during their marriage, so that families are never alone but truly accompanied on their way. As for these people, he said, we must tell them that the Church loves them, and they must see and feel that love. He considered it a great task for a parish, for a Catholic community, to do everything possible so that they feel loved and accepted, so that they know they are not “outside” even though they cannot receive absolution and the Eucharist: they must see that even so they live fully within the Church. Even if absolution in Confession is not possible, he added, ongoing contact with a priest, with a spiritual director, is very important, so that they can see they are accompanied and guided.

He also said it is very valuable for them to understand that they truly take part in the Eucharist if they really enter into communion with the Body of Christ: even without receiving the sacrament “bodily,” we can be spiritually united to Christ in his Body. He hoped they would find a real possibility of living a life of faith, with the Word of God and in the communion of the Church, and that they would see their suffering as a gift to the Church, because in this way it helps everyone to defend the stability of love and of marriage. This suffering, he said, is not only a physical and psychological torment; it is also a suffering within the community of the Church for the great values of our faith. If it is truly accepted inwardly, it is a gift for the Church, and they should know that precisely in this way they serve the Church and are at the heart of the Church.

In the face of these wise words, all I can say is that God knows the depths of our hearts and understands perfectly our pain at not being able to receive him in the Eucharist. God also sees our desire to keep going, very close to Him, because in Him we find the strength to go on living as baptized Catholics who love His Church, whatever our situation.

And a thousand thanks, Holy Father, for reminding Catholics that the doors of the Church are open to all our brothers and sisters, and that we must treat those who are going through problems with the greatest affection, so that they can enjoy the joy of being Christians and so form themselves, and their children, in the values of the Gospel, which are the only ones that can lead us to true happiness.