When Our Parents Fall Ill

I always remember that when I was in primary school, our natural science teacher taught us that human beings are born, grow, reproduce and die. That was called the cycle of life. They explained it to us very simply, and I remember copying into our notebooks a sort of diagram with colored arrows, which we then had to memorize because it was sure to be a question on the monthly test. I don’t know for how many years they repeated that lesson in class.

The truth is that something was missing from that diagram. For example, between being born, growing, reproducing and dying, there are very important stages we all go through: falling ill and growing old. You learn that later from your own experience in the family. First with your great-grandparents, then your grandparents and then your parents, if you are blessed enough that your children do not fall seriously ill.

The fact is that illness and old age are a reality that will reach all of us, sooner or later. A reality we must be prepared to face. I think it is a subject we should talk about from time to time with our children, grandchildren, aunts and uncles, cousins, friends and so on, because in this way we begin to consider a possible future that will require sacrifice on our part, time, effort and extra work that may not have been in our plans.

And, above all in this world that values health and appearance so highly, we should know that at any moment we may face an illness we did not expect. An illness that changes our lives, the life of the sick person and of the family. Recently I have heard of many cases of people who were completely healthy, and relatively young, who suddenly had a stroke, or developed bipolar disorder, Alzheimer’s disease and so on. That changes your life overnight. When you live aware that a situation like this could happen to any of us (or to our parents or grandparents), you prepare yourself psychologically (and even physically, including where you will live and so on) to face it.

Because when our parents or grandparents fall ill, they sometimes become like children. And children require our attention, our patience and a great deal of love. A few days ago someone sent me a lovely photo on Twitter that said: “How alike children and old people are!” The photo showed a baby with a walker heading to the left and a grandmother with her walker heading to the right. Old age is a time when we become like children again, and so we need someone to help us, care for us, keep us company, give us love… Children usually repeat the example their parents gave them. If they cared for their parents (our grandparents) with affection and love, their children will do the same.

You will ask me: but why talk about something so basic right now? Because, unfortunately, abandoning the sick and the elderly has become very common, above all in first-world countries. We are living in such a hectic world that the thought of devoting part of our time to caring for our parents or grandparents “doesn’t fit the plan.” In this society of breakneck racing, we often leave our old people alone. There are first-world societies, such as the Netherlands, where the elderly are terrified of being taken to the hospital, because they will most likely end up being euthanized (sometimes at the request of their own son or daughter). How horrifying!

Such is the state of the world on this subject that Pope Francis, since the beginning of his pontificate, has spoken dozens of times about the elderly, and he says he is enormously concerned about the loneliness so many of them live in. In these times, being old or being sick is seen as a nuisance. What a sad thing!

We all know it is very hard to care for an elderly person, especially when they can no longer string their thoughts together. But truly, it is priceless to sit with your old man or old lady, stroking their hand or their head, singing them a song they used to sing to you when you were little, joking with them, telling them that little story they used to tell you, giving them lots of little kisses… The smile on their lips when we show them affection is worth more than a thousand words, the words your old man or old lady wants to say to you and can’t.

There is nothing lovelier than spoiling them, giving them their favorite food, bathing them, dressing them, combing their hair and putting on their cologne. Yes! That cologne that was one of the first scents our brains registered when we were little. That cologne that brings back so many memories, memories of those special occasions (birthdays, Christmas) when they made our favorite dishes or brought us a special present. Or when we went out in the car and Grandpa or Dad showed us the streets, El Ávila, and told us stories of the Caracas of old.

May God bless all our sick and elderly! May we never leave them alone, because they need us! Let us teach our children the great treasure of illness and old age! May our families be true homes of love and tenderness for these very special and beloved people!